Wednesday, May 13, 2009

And the summer has officially begun!

Well, it's lovely to be back blogging again...again...again. I think in retrospect I have enough of a reason as to why I'm been extremely MIA lately! I've been dedicated to a life of gym stuffs, my health stuffs, LOTS of school stuffs, friends stuffs and last Rider days stuffs. Busy busy Keri I have been but now my life has certainly calmed down for the better I think.

I'm HOME for one thing! Yes, my sophomore year at Rider University has come and gone in what seriously seems to have been, the blink of an eye. I officially moved out the day before yesterday and in my time being away from Rider I've been doing a lot of reflecting; specifically on what has gone on this past year at my second home. Kind of sad, kind of exciting, basically it's just been a HUGE chain of emotions/events/life lessons. When it comes down to it, I guess I would have to say that I'm grateful for everything that has happened this year. It's made me grow as a person and I was forced to get my priorities in order, which meant making some super hard decisions. Even to this day I still think back and wonder as to whether things could've been different but then I look at where I am now and see that I am so much happier than I've ever been. It's all been for the better!

For one thing, I'm prettyyyy sure that my count would have been continuously broken if I hadn't decided to change. There were so many stress factors apparent and all these horribly negative feelings and it was all just a constant battle in my head; I was heading downhill and in a HURRY. With a doubt, counseling saved my life. I have absolutely no problem saying that, I'm actually proud to say that. Help was there and I took it, fully knowing that I had hard times ahead. Having Leah there to talk to every week was seriously like a gift sent from God; there is NO way I would've survived a good chunk of the year without my weekly Tuesday sessions. She always was the voice of reason, listening to whatever shenanigans I decided to spew out at her and always putting things into perspective. One of her favorite things to tell me was, "It's OK to feel that way." One of the main reasons that I was in denial for so long was because I didn't want to be that girl who was being an asshole about every aspect in her life. I didn't believe that things were really that bad so I figured my daily habits and ways of living were OK.


Only in counseling did I feel OK enough to say how I really felt and only in counseling did I learn that there was nothing wrong with being angry and not everything that happened was MY FAULT. I was forced to deal with things that caused me anxiety and had to dig deeper in my emotions to fix things from where they started. The kind of stuff that involved questions like, "Why do you feel like that?" and "What's this action hiding?" I would be lying if I said that it wasn't a pain in the ass. There were multiple days when all I wanted to do was break my count and fast. I pushed through it though and I continue to push through it. Leah helped me to slowly begin to realize that I am more than what I've made myself into. I'm NOT that girl who puts on a facade of happiness but secretly hides her sadness and EDNOS.

I AM a girl who does not use happiness as a facade but as a way to live. I AM a girl with an EDNOS but I'm not ashamed to admit it because I'm fighting and I'm going to win. I'm slowly beginning to love life and maybe someday, even love myself as well. It's all one step at a time =)

That's a summary of my brain during the entirety of this year. Actually, that's a summary of the more serious stuff... the fun stuff would be a hell of a lot more entertaining to write blog about! My apologies already, this is going to be a VERY LONG POST...................

FUN THINGS OF MY YEAR INCLUDED THE FOLLOWING: Queer as Folk marathons with roomie, MEETING HAL SPARKS, FabulousFallPhotoshoot'09, dates with Kat on Tuesdays and Thursdays, stalking HPK, being Shakira, the Halloween Parade in the Village (!!!!!), Rob Pattinson's commentary on life "I'm sorry Bella, I'm just a sweaty guy!", the tiniest pizza to ever exist ever, being honorary RA's in Poyda, Thirsty Wednesday, drinking Champagne for no apparent reason, the invention of the LaSkam, anything Goldie has ever said, "Ohhh Noooooo!", Professor Maynard... enough said, Cloisters, our new found sorority POE (Phi Omega Epsilon), "this one's from... the dog catcher!" AND MANY MANY MANY MORE.

I just realized that if anyone in the blogworld is in fact reading my blog they probably won't be wanting to read about my random ass inside jokes. Heehee, I still appreciate them though!

Change of topic, and the reason I started this blog in the first place, FOOD AND EXERCISE-NESSSSSSS. As a quick update, I've been running at least five times a week for the past month and my body is slowly developing a need for running in order to function correctly. However, moving back home threw my schedule off a bit. I hadn't run since Saturday for two main reasons 1) My car is still in the shop and 2) I've been unpacking nonstop. Even though it's only been three days, that's three days too long for me. I blatantly asked my dad this morning if he would drive me to the park so I could run. (SIDE NOTE: I'm still a bit self-conscious running in my hometown because I'm convinced that almost everyone I went to high school with hates me so I prefer to run in a park that's a couple towns away from mine. Pleaseeee don'tttt judgeeee meeeeeeee.) Basically I have to start all over again because I'm running outside now, my dad thinks it's more fun to use our treadmill as a stuff holder, and in my opinion those two things are VERYYY different. I got out, I ran and, sigh, went 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. I'm slightly discouraged but I'm just going to keep going because that's the only real way to increase my endurance and such.......just gotta go with da' floooooow.

My god, this entry is ridiculous! I'll make the food part quick. I had AWESOME homemade oats for breakfast (with bananas, strawberries, walnuts, wheat germ and LOVE) which I very much want to further enhance with some kind of flax or something of the sort. For lunch, some higher power put a carton of egg whites in my fridge so I had a good serving of those with a tiny bit of cheese, tomatoes and salsa, along with a piece of bread and half of a gala. Munched on some rice cakes (probably about 10) throughout the day and for dinner I had lots of soybeans, some leftover green beans, cut up cucumbers with roasted garlic hummus (which I LOVE) and an open-faced turkey sandwich. Very vague description but I figure that since I'm done telling the world about my "post Rider bwananas" I'll be able to focus better on nutrition/exercise/all the interesting things! Although along with that will also be my tribulations with jobs, PHOCUS, friend visiting and all that OTHER interesting stuff. It's going to be some kind of summer kids, believe me.

I'm done, I swear! At least until tomorrow!Nothing says summer like a good ole' fashioned giant sunflower =)