Monday, March 2, 2009

Always manages to make me feel better!

Bonjour bloggers and bloggies! Yesterday was yet another snow day, surprising eh? Not really, although Rider did have me going for while when they decided to wait until 5 in the morning to give the long-awaited call of wonder! Now as a whole my snow day was, er, less than the best of days. Needless to say ED decided to make it's presence known and I felt very emotionally tired when I tried to fight back. Essentially instead of dealing with those negative feelings as they came up I kind of let them overtake my brain and push me a bit back in progress.

Howeverrrrrr, counseling this morning managed to bring my views back into a positive perspective! After spilling all my feelings to Leah she told me that because, contrary to my own belief, I did in fact deal with my problems more head on than I thought. Instead of breaking count I went and wrote everything I possibly could about how completely worthless I felt; it IS progress. I told her about my fears that I'm still clinging so heavily onto ED and my old habits, the restricting, the calculating, the distractions, the lies, the feelings, the power, etc. Leah reassured me several times (despite the fact that I think I may have been talking myself in circles) that even these small things of noticing the habits is accomplishing something. She's so insightful and I can't even begin to say how grateful I am to have her, constantly giving me new techniques to try for when I next encounter a "threatening" situation. Leah ended today with a quote that really stuck with me and I have a feeling it's going to stick with me for a LONG time.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"


It's not about wishing for change to happen, you have to go out and DO it. I can be told all these pieces of advice (Kat and I had a HUGE conversation about this just before) and I can have people yell at me about how I need to be healthy and how but that's all they can do. It's up to ME to build up the courage to want to get better. It's that simple; things will begin to fall into place.

To be totally random, Glenny's Soy Crisps are flippin' awesommmmeeeeee! I just had a bag and I think whenever the word "protein" appears somewhere part of my freaks out a bit. Upon discovering last semester that I was borderline to becoming anemic I became a protein advocate! Now it's like, PROTEINNNN is the best thing ever. Damn straight, healthy = happy. Yes yes, just keep repeating that over and over and over again!

Pretty is it not? This gigantic (and slightly deadly) sized icicle is just kind of chillin' outside of my window looking quite pretty and reflecting the sunlight. Naturally it was picture worthy! The beauty of life manages to make itself known to me =) Heehee thanks nature!