Friday, December 26, 2008

So I've fallen off the boat... do I want to get back on?

Boy howdie now I remember how much I suck at keeping up with my blogging; Christmas has come and gone like WHOOSH!

Er, now that I'm here I'm not really sure what to write! Bwahahahaha. Well, let's talk about Christmas then. I really wasn't expecting a barrel full of monkeys or anything to be honest. Tensions have been very high in my household I was thinking fighting, yelling, crying and basically the works. However, I've realized that Christmas really is the one day when everyone is forced to turn a blind eye to real problems. Partying with the relatives was definitely what was needed I think. Now I know how everyone says that their families are crazy and mine is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTION. In a nutshell there was meowing, caroling, talk of dropping acid, TONS of food and just pretty relaxing stuff for the most part. That's why it's Christmas though, next day was back to the same ole' junk that is life.

So I've decided that I need to go back to therapy for real this time. I don't feel like really explaining the entire story in all it's crappy splendor but what happened was that I didn't go to a party (because of FAMILY issues ironically enough) and the next morning I had HORRIBLY MEAN things written on my Facebook wall. It was so incredibly awful I can't even tell you... it said that I had a tendency to "screw over my friends". Needless to say, I lost it. Full fledged panic mood and as it was happening I thought to myself, "Hey, this isn't exactly normal". How do I know it wasn't normal?

I punched a wall like a fucking CRAZY PERSON and scared the living shit out of myself.

I did this because I was in that mode of trying not to break my day count and thought that maybe doing that would not be as bad. Obviously I'm nowhere near what one would call smart, it's in the same family for God sakes. So I left a mark in the wall (which I lied about and said the vacuum clearner did it) and then ended up breaking my damn day count anyway! Cripes, that means I have been completely unable to go a week without breaking it; at least I know it's not just from being at Rider. Now I'm in the works of Googling some sort of therapist near me so I can at least get some sort of consoltation or something.

Never a dull moment eh? I suck sometimes.