A video blog? Oyy, it's definitely something.

This is probably the WORST video blog that has ever been created, EVER. I take full responsibility for it's lack of quality and general interesting-ness at all. Enjoy??

It seems that I have the perfect face for a writing career! Did you see that self made ugly joke I just made there??? Hope so because there will be plenty more of those! You know I wasn't expecting too much from myself in my attempts at making a "video blog". Considering the fact I use my cell phone as my digital camera it's like it was made in a basement. Well, OK, it WAS made in a basement.......... I LIVE in a basement. Whoops. But maybe if I was, oh I don't know, remotely interesting that bloggy would have been a tad more entertaining to watch. I'm actually not too sure why I'm posting it..... I think even my speaking is a tad too low to hear clearly enough. Err practice makes perfect though? Maybe??? Please?? Booooooooooo.

Happy.... could possibly be one of the best words ever actually!

Happy Wednesday everyone! Maybe not "happy" but it's been at least remotely content for the most part. I almost feel like this is partially because I had a spinach salad and I am unofficially OBSESSED with spinach now. I just can't under why children don't like vegetables!! Vegetables are like the most tasty and amazing thing that has ever existed ever! Blast those children.... either I'm not having my own and if I do we are going to be one hell of a healthy household.

I totally did a throwback exercise today and DDR'd for an hour (burning 330 calories!) There's just something about the constant feet moving/dancing that makes me feel so GOOD. It's one of those little things that people don't know about me, I DDR and I DDR well. The game itself holds a very dear place in my heart because it was what helped me to lose the weight I wanted before graduation. I'm telling y'all, you commit to it and it WILL provide results; especially when Mother Nature decides to PMS and make it impossible to run in the park!

So I've had one of those topics on my mind that I know the menfolk don't want to read about but has been brought to my attention. Now it's been said that being "irregular" is normal, two months at the very least I would think. I know that irregular is probably not the case for me. To be blunt, it's been almost seven months since I've received my, ahem, "womanhood". I just have a lot of questions concerning it you know? The most major thing has to do with the whole aspect of being able to get pregnant. I've read about a few girls whose eating disorders screwed up their systems so badly that they were rendered unable to have children. I don't think that will end up being the case for me; I don't feel my EDNOS is that extreme of a case to do such a thing. However, I'm definitely on the fence as to whether it would upset me to not be able to ever get pregnant in my life if, at some point, I did in fact want to. I'm pretty sure I don't want children but must admit that not being able to is a scary thought. Would I be considered less of a woman because I knowingly tried to ruin my body and ruined the one of the most amazing things that a woman is capable of??? OK so it IS a scary thought but I'm hopeful. I've been eating as normally as possible for a couple weeks now and hope that things will slowly begin to "flow" again... yes, PUN INTENDED.

Happy and healthy right??? That's trying to be my new way of thinking but, as I have said MANY times before, I'm a work in progress.

Random act of trying to feel good about myself? I'm wearing my favorite kick ass lace up boots and even though I've just been sitting around my house, I won't take them off! I just love them too too much! I think this only proves that I need one of those calenders that tells me one fact a day that will make me happy! Put that on my to-do list!

I can't do yoga.... but I got my spinach =)

I am hereby openly admitting my existance as a complete WEENIE. By this I am refering none-other than my first attempt in officially doing yoga. It was bad to say the very least. I managed to get through barely a half hour of it before I completely gave up. Granted, when I say "getting through it" I actually mean only doing half of the poses correctly and whining to myself the rest of the time. I will admit, however, I was sweating BUCKETS after like 20 minutes. No denying that yoga can definitely be a fabulous workout. I don't think I'll be trying it again any time soon. It would seem that I need to be moving around constantly when it comes to exercising; I think I'll stick to running and dancing for now. I might be starting strength training as well, one thing at a time!

My mom finally took me to her favorite produce market and it was heavenly! Every kind of vegetable and fruit I could want was there! Not to mention breads, cheeses, fish and a... Dunkin Dounts? That's actually a pretty smart move when you think about it. It's like, "Alas! Look at these people buying their stuffs, let us provide them with coffee!" We made some rather fabulous purchases, including spinach which I have been craving for quite some time! To celebrate I made a truly awesome salad of spinach, romaine, string beans, tomatoes, wheat germ, some sliced almonds, a bit o' parm cheese and italian dressing. It made me quite content although I think I need to invest in a different dressing....hmm. Well you know what that means.... next stop is my first trip ever to WHOLE FOODS!

Random but I really need to call my boss to get money, I don't know if I'm digging this episode of Intervention and my birthday is in 18 days. Wheeeeeeee.

*EDIT*

I JUST REALIZED THAT MY COUNT IS 10 DAYS WITHOUT ME EVEN KNOWING! It's been more than a week and I'm actually really proud of myself considering the bad part of my brain was being kind of bonkers just the other day. But no, this work in progress is still truckin'!

Relapse in a sense.... DAMN.

Is it weird for an English major to be totally in love with a song called "Finite Simple Group" that is basically one big MATH joke?? Hopefully not because that is totally the case! I had to download it off of Youtube considering I kind of refuse to buy song off Napster or iTunes or anything related. It's all good though, the song is fun and makes me happy for some strange reason.

Happy is definitely something I need as of now; I've had something of a "bad" day I guess you could say. Basically the pessimist in me came out full-fledged thus entitling me to completely give up any sort of hope about the future of my life. It was an intense attack of self-loathing and OF COURSE in the brain of KeriBop self-loathing and self-consciousness come hand in hand with each other. For the most part I've been doing quite well in keeping my whole body dysmorphic/EDNOS at bay but as expected I had something of a relapse today. Like the disgusting impulse it is I ate at 10 in the morning and then would NOT let myself eat until 7. I KNEW this was going to happen again and the worst part of it was that I forgot how comforting that feeling it.

I'm really pissed at myself for allowing myself to reduce my intake so greatly AND to go running while lacking food energy. I screwed up and can only hope that my stupid brain doesn't want to attempt this nonsense AGAIN tomorrow. My bad mood is rather evident and EXTREMELY contradicting because I hate myself for still loving that empty feeling of a low daily intake.

Shit.

Another wish.

I want to be able to say that I am....

hyper.cheerful.bouncy.cheesy.cute.obsessed.positive.occasionallyannoying. I.AM.HAPPYHARDCORE.

Me have a fan base? Yeahhhhh, no.

I can't help but find it rather funny that this one told me that people can make money off blogging by "building up a fan base". Personally that's pretty LOL worthy.... mainly because I don't think that I possess the capablitity to build up any sort of fan base. See now if I was able to write in a more humorous manner then maybe we would have something to work with! Don't get me wrong though, I love blogging for the simple joys of writing!

My dad and I just put something to sell on Ebay! Haha I set the entire account up and he said he would split the profit 50/50 with me. Wheeeeeeeee! Father/daughter business starting up right here!

Alton Brown.....sex god?

Happy New Year everyone! Second day of 2009 and I'm actually kind of afraid about what's to come this year. I mean, 2008 blatantly kind of sucked which is boardline ironic considering i distinctly remember saying, "I already hate 2008!" Guess I kind of screwed myself over a bit; lack of optimism can kill when it wants to.

Don't get me wrong, my actual New Years Eve was certainly interesting. I ended up driving to Sam's and had a grand ole' time, to put it lightly anyway! Basically we started drinking at like 6:30 and just kind of LOL'd around until midnight. I bought an AWESOME hat from the dollar store though (random!) and then wrote, "KEVIN JONAS '09" on it because I do love that boy very dearly. As good as a time I had part of me couldn't help but feel guilty about not being home. Something about being there for my parents was bothering me whenever I saw Sam and her family having quaint little moments. I couldn't help but kind of just sigh out of sadness, God only knows the last time my family has been like that.

So.... resolutions anyone? I've been very on the fence about what I would like to accomplish this year. Because of this I'll list a few things that i wouldn't exactly consider "resolutions" but more so just things that I'll certainly have on my mind:

1. 
   
   Get back into therapy. I know I keep saying it but I also do know that it's a PRIORITY that I go back


2. 
   
   Stop screwing around when it comes to my intellect/grades. I'm a smart girl and feel that I've been neglecting that part of myself that used to be my main source of comfort. More reading, more writing and just generally more attempts to better my brain.


3. 
   
   I could go into MASS detail but essentially I need to sort out my priorities. I don't want to be in denial anymore, I want to be healthy and I want to STOP ruining my body because when it comes down to it, this is the only one I've got. I've already ruined myself with more than 25 scars and even though it kind of freaks me out, I WANT to live a long life.

I'm sure there are more things that I'll need to accomplish this year but it's a sort of take-things-as-they-come situation. Oh and there is one other thing I wouldn't mind taking care of..... hmph, I want to win back his trust. 'Nuf said.

Otherwise? I'm watching Alton Brown make a whole bunch of things with potatoes! Watching him makes me want to aspire to cook as well as he does; not to mention I find him attractive in a weird sort of way. Hmm, he's just sexy, I'm not ashamed to say that!

How could you NOT love him? <3

AND.... I made my own hummus! Yaaaaaaay.